Leaving the YSA Ward

“Translation guide” for people who are not familiar with LDS lingo:

LDS = refers to the Church or members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also commonly referred to as Mormons

YSA = Young Single Adult (LDS program for Single people ages 18-30)

SA = Single Adult (LDS program for Single people ages 31+)

Ward = LDS Congregation

Family Ward = Regular ward that includes people of all ages. Members are assigned to a particular ward based on where they live. 

  

Most people in the LDS church do not plan to turn 31 single. Especially if they attend a YSA ward. One of the purposes of YSA wards, which I personally believe to be a good purpose, is for single people of similar ages to meet others of the opposite gender and more specifically to find someone to marry. When you turn 31 and no longer fit in the YSA category it is easy to feel like you failed the YSA program, failed expectations others have of you and failed yourself. 

In the church most things and ideas are based on doctrine, others stem from policy and organizational practices and a few are based on what can be defined as LDS culture. The importance of marriage and family is based on doctrine. Being weird because you’re single at 31 is based on culture.

For me marriage and family are important, which is why I have a degree in Human Ecology with a major in Family Ecology and minor in Child and Youth studies. I feel that the right time to get married is different for everyone. What is too young? What is too old? How long should you date before you get married? How long should you wait to have children? I think that is up to individuals and couples to determine for themselves. For me, I feel that I would have been “ready” to get married a long time ago but it hasn't happened yet.

There have been times I have been interested in a guy who hasn't been interested in me. Other times there have been guys who have been interested in me and I haven’t been interested in him. It’s just part of dating. It can be frustrating but it’s just the way it is and it’s normal. In the meantime, I will keep watching fairytale's waiting for that magic moment where someone I “like”, “likes” me too.

When I think about my dream job, it is being a Mom and as the years go on it is hard for me to think about the possibility of not having children. Although, I know that I am not at the point where I need to give up on that dream but like many other women my age I do feel more pressure. I just keep telling myself that both of my grandmothers and Mom had children into their thirties and early forties.

I have recently read a couple of blog articles calling awareness to more sensitivity among people who are single or couples who are childless. I do understand that it can be hard to know how someone might be feeling when you have not experienced their trial but I think that everyone, myself included, could be more sensitive and understanding in their remarks or comments they make about why someone is single or when so and so will have children. Being more kind and compassionate is something that everyone can work towards. I should say though that I love it when people I know are getting married or having babies. For me, it is the highlight of looking through my Facebook news feed.

Making the transition from a YSA ward to a Family Ward is something I have been preparing myself for the past year. I decided that I would go to the Family ward as soon as I turned 31, I decided it would be a good time to go because the new students would be moving in at that time. Also, as I mentioned in my last blog article, I do see this time as a time for change and setting new goals. However, once summer started I wondered if I was ready to make that transition and continued to go back and forth on whether I should stay a while longer as some people do. 

A couple of weeks before my birthday I decided that the Sunday after my birthday would be my last Sunday in the YSA ward but even then I went back and forth. What contributed to that decision was that all summer people had been asking me when I was planning on leaving. The sensitive part of me thought, “Well, I guess people don’t want me here any more. ” While, the more rational part of me thought that there must be some reason for asking whether as a way to start small talk or planning for Visit Teaching routes. However, going back to the idea of sensitivity regarding the issue of moving on from the YSA ward, maybe it’s not the best way to ask. If it is for a logistic reason it may be a good idea to state the reason for asking.    

On my last Sunday in the ward my Bishop did tell me that I could stay in the ward awhile longer if I wanted to. I briefly thought about it but decided it was too late to change my mind. I though about it a bit more later and asked myself if I were to stay, when would I leave? In a month or two? In the New Year? In a Year? 

Part of me felt I was ready to move on but part of me still wanted to stay with the familiarity of the YSA ward. That feeling has continued throughout the past week and during and after attending my first meetings in the family ward. I have made a “transition plan” for myself which includes continuing to attend YSA and Institute activities along with the Family Ward activities. I feel that it would be hard to go from going to almost everything to going to nothing. I will also continue to be involved with the mid-singles group which is a non-official group for singles 25ish to 37ish and maybe I will make it to SA activities from time to time. I am not sure if I am ready for that. I already have an issue with much older men approaching me; I don’t think I need to put myself in situations to encourage that.

On Labour Day Monday I signed on to the Institute webpage to sign up for a class and a disclaimer came up asking that anyone over 30 wanting to take an institute class needed to contact the Institute office. I had been 31 for less than a week and was already feeling bad. I really love the institute program and hoped that I could still attend. I wondered if I should just show up, maybe sit in the back and not write my name on the class roll. During the Institute open house last week I was talking to the Institute Director and he assured me that I was welcome and wanted at institute. It really did make me feel better about the situation and I am glad I had that opportunity to talk with him.

I took the opportunity to go to several YSA and Institute activities this past week and I had a lot of fun and good experiences. On Saturday, I had an opportunity to attend two convert baptisms. One for my new Family Ward and one for my YSA ward. The first baptism I went to was for a new friend I had met at Institute over the summer who attends the Family Ward I was moving in to. While there I met a few new people and I mentioned to them that I was moving in to the Ward.

The next day at church one of the ladies I met gave me a plate of cinnamon buns which I thought was really sweet. There were a few others who also helped me to feel welcome which I appreciated. I also got to hold babies and talk to people I hadn't seen in awhile. Maybe Family Ward won’t be so bad after all. There is also a Corn Bust this week that I am super excited about! I haven’t been to a Ward Corn Bust since I lived in BC. 

During the worship services, which we refer to as Sacrament Meeting, the topic of the talks was humility. I thought it was a fitting topic for me to hear that day. Although I am not at a point in my life that I would like to be at I do have the opportunity to do much good, in my own life and in the lives of others. I don’t ever want to be so focused on what I want or don't have that I am missing out on other opportunities, especially opportunities to serve others.

In the evening I attended the CES Broadcast where Elder Nelson spoke on making choices. One of the things he said was that establishing priorities in your life will help you in making choices. I thought back to my youth and my desires at that time. I determined that my main priority was to serve a mission for my church and that nothing would stop me. As I approached my 21^st birthday, the age a woman could serve a mission, I felt that this was something I should pray about. As I prayed I felt that I needed to evaluate what my priorities should be. As I studied my patriarchal blessing, scriptures and continued to pray about the decision I determined that my main priority should be preparing for marriage. At the time I saw getting married as a someday priority. I determined at that moment that it would be more of a priority. Next to my desire to live with God again and have Eternal life, it is my greatest desire. Not just so I can have children but to have a companion to live and enjoy life, and eternity, with. Someone to share my hopes and dreams with and for me to share in his hopes and dreams. Someone to love and someone to love me.  

The answers to that period of study and prayer also included focusing on education and participating in missionary work in my ward and in the areas I live in. Although, I could have served several missions in the past ten years I know that if I strive to continue on the path that Heavenly Father has prepared for me and focus on doing His work that I will be blessed for that. I just need to continue having faith and patience. I also like to live by the motto of being happy with where I am at now and I do feel that I am a genuinely happy person. Sure there are times where I feel sad, upset or annoyed but who doesn't? I feel that the important thing is to not dwell on the negative and look to the future with a positive outlook which is what I intend to continue doing.