Leaving the YSA Ward

“Translation guide” for people who are not familiar with LDS lingo:

LDS = refers to the Church or members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also commonly referred to as Mormons

YSA = Young Single Adult (LDS program for Single people ages 18-30)

SA = Single Adult (LDS program for Single people ages 31+)

Ward = LDS Congregation

Family Ward = Regular ward that includes people of all ages. Members are assigned to a particular ward based on where they live. 

  

Most people in the LDS church do not plan to turn 31 single. Especially if they attend a YSA ward. One of the purposes of YSA wards, which I personally believe to be a good purpose, is for single people of similar ages to meet others of the opposite gender and more specifically to find someone to marry. When you turn 31 and no longer fit in the YSA category it is easy to feel like you failed the YSA program, failed expectations others have of you and failed yourself. 

In the church most things and ideas are based on doctrine, others stem from policy and organizational practices and a few are based on what can be defined as LDS culture. The importance of marriage and family is based on doctrine. Being weird because you’re single at 31 is based on culture.

For me marriage and family are important, which is why I have a degree in Human Ecology with a major in Family Ecology and minor in Child and Youth studies. I feel that the right time to get married is different for everyone. What is too young? What is too old? How long should you date before you get married? How long should you wait to have children? I think that is up to individuals and couples to determine for themselves. For me, I feel that I would have been “ready” to get married a long time ago but it hasn't happened yet.

There have been times I have been interested in a guy who hasn't been interested in me. Other times there have been guys who have been interested in me and I haven’t been interested in him. It’s just part of dating. It can be frustrating but it’s just the way it is and it’s normal. In the meantime, I will keep watching fairytale's waiting for that magic moment where someone I “like”, “likes” me too.

When I think about my dream job, it is being a Mom and as the years go on it is hard for me to think about the possibility of not having children. Although, I know that I am not at the point where I need to give up on that dream but like many other women my age I do feel more pressure. I just keep telling myself that both of my grandmothers and Mom had children into their thirties and early forties.

I have recently read a couple of blog articles calling awareness to more sensitivity among people who are single or couples who are childless. I do understand that it can be hard to know how someone might be feeling when you have not experienced their trial but I think that everyone, myself included, could be more sensitive and understanding in their remarks or comments they make about why someone is single or when so and so will have children. Being more kind and compassionate is something that everyone can work towards. I should say though that I love it when people I know are getting married or having babies. For me, it is the highlight of looking through my Facebook news feed.

Making the transition from a YSA ward to a Family Ward is something I have been preparing myself for the past year. I decided that I would go to the Family ward as soon as I turned 31, I decided it would be a good time to go because the new students would be moving in at that time. Also, as I mentioned in my last blog article, I do see this time as a time for change and setting new goals. However, once summer started I wondered if I was ready to make that transition and continued to go back and forth on whether I should stay a while longer as some people do. 

A couple of weeks before my birthday I decided that the Sunday after my birthday would be my last Sunday in the YSA ward but even then I went back and forth. What contributed to that decision was that all summer people had been asking me when I was planning on leaving. The sensitive part of me thought, “Well, I guess people don’t want me here any more. ” While, the more rational part of me thought that there must be some reason for asking whether as a way to start small talk or planning for Visit Teaching routes. However, going back to the idea of sensitivity regarding the issue of moving on from the YSA ward, maybe it’s not the best way to ask. If it is for a logistic reason it may be a good idea to state the reason for asking.    

On my last Sunday in the ward my Bishop did tell me that I could stay in the ward awhile longer if I wanted to. I briefly thought about it but decided it was too late to change my mind. I though about it a bit more later and asked myself if I were to stay, when would I leave? In a month or two? In the New Year? In a Year? 

Part of me felt I was ready to move on but part of me still wanted to stay with the familiarity of the YSA ward. That feeling has continued throughout the past week and during and after attending my first meetings in the family ward. I have made a “transition plan” for myself which includes continuing to attend YSA and Institute activities along with the Family Ward activities. I feel that it would be hard to go from going to almost everything to going to nothing. I will also continue to be involved with the mid-singles group which is a non-official group for singles 25ish to 37ish and maybe I will make it to SA activities from time to time. I am not sure if I am ready for that. I already have an issue with much older men approaching me; I don’t think I need to put myself in situations to encourage that.

On Labour Day Monday I signed on to the Institute webpage to sign up for a class and a disclaimer came up asking that anyone over 30 wanting to take an institute class needed to contact the Institute office. I had been 31 for less than a week and was already feeling bad. I really love the institute program and hoped that I could still attend. I wondered if I should just show up, maybe sit in the back and not write my name on the class roll. During the Institute open house last week I was talking to the Institute Director and he assured me that I was welcome and wanted at institute. It really did make me feel better about the situation and I am glad I had that opportunity to talk with him.

I took the opportunity to go to several YSA and Institute activities this past week and I had a lot of fun and good experiences. On Saturday, I had an opportunity to attend two convert baptisms. One for my new Family Ward and one for my YSA ward. The first baptism I went to was for a new friend I had met at Institute over the summer who attends the Family Ward I was moving in to. While there I met a few new people and I mentioned to them that I was moving in to the Ward.

The next day at church one of the ladies I met gave me a plate of cinnamon buns which I thought was really sweet. There were a few others who also helped me to feel welcome which I appreciated. I also got to hold babies and talk to people I hadn't seen in awhile. Maybe Family Ward won’t be so bad after all. There is also a Corn Bust this week that I am super excited about! I haven’t been to a Ward Corn Bust since I lived in BC. 

During the worship services, which we refer to as Sacrament Meeting, the topic of the talks was humility. I thought it was a fitting topic for me to hear that day. Although I am not at a point in my life that I would like to be at I do have the opportunity to do much good, in my own life and in the lives of others. I don’t ever want to be so focused on what I want or don't have that I am missing out on other opportunities, especially opportunities to serve others.

In the evening I attended the CES Broadcast where Elder Nelson spoke on making choices. One of the things he said was that establishing priorities in your life will help you in making choices. I thought back to my youth and my desires at that time. I determined that my main priority was to serve a mission for my church and that nothing would stop me. As I approached my 21^st birthday, the age a woman could serve a mission, I felt that this was something I should pray about. As I prayed I felt that I needed to evaluate what my priorities should be. As I studied my patriarchal blessing, scriptures and continued to pray about the decision I determined that my main priority should be preparing for marriage. At the time I saw getting married as a someday priority. I determined at that moment that it would be more of a priority. Next to my desire to live with God again and have Eternal life, it is my greatest desire. Not just so I can have children but to have a companion to live and enjoy life, and eternity, with. Someone to share my hopes and dreams with and for me to share in his hopes and dreams. Someone to love and someone to love me.  

The answers to that period of study and prayer also included focusing on education and participating in missionary work in my ward and in the areas I live in. Although, I could have served several missions in the past ten years I know that if I strive to continue on the path that Heavenly Father has prepared for me and focus on doing His work that I will be blessed for that. I just need to continue having faith and patience. I also like to live by the motto of being happy with where I am at now and I do feel that I am a genuinely happy person. Sure there are times where I feel sad, upset or annoyed but who doesn't? I feel that the important thing is to not dwell on the negative and look to the future with a positive outlook which is what I intend to continue doing. 

A Year of Goals

I was listening to the radio today where a radio host was discussing the idea of September being the new “new year” and a time for setting goals and resolutions. For almost as long as I can remember I have used my birthday as a marker for setting and achieving goals. To me the end of August/ beginning of September seemed like a good time to set goals and monitor progress. Maybe with the leaves changing colour it seems to be a good time for me to look at what changes I can make in my life. Also, for many of these years I was getting ready to go back to school
which also the beginning of a new year and makes for a good opportunity to set goals. Now I work for a school and involved in program planning and goal setting prior to the start of the school year.
 For me continuing to make educational, personal and spiritual progress is important.

I am a goal and resolution setter. I like checking things off to-do lists, I like making positive changes and I love the feeling of achieving goals that I have set. I had a lot of fun accomplishing the 30 things I wrote on my lists before my birthday last year. I love that I have family and friends that showed interest in my list and enjoyed having some of them join me in accomplishing my goals. It really was a fun year!

Thinking about the title of my blog, “Thirty, Flirty and Thriving” I feel that many of the goals allowed me to thrive. There are also a couple that were perhaps attempts at being more flirty, not sure how good I am at that though ... haha.

While I don’t have a list of 31 things for this year, I do have a few goals set. One of them being to have my student loan paid off. I will, however, still write in this blog from time to time. 

30. Complete the 2012 page for the Family Scrapbook

I made it! I completed this scrapbook page and checked off the last thing left on my list, with a couple of hours to spare. Scrapbooking is a hobby of mine but not something I do as much as I used to. It can be time consuming and costly, which is why I decided a couple of years ago to put together a family scrapbook album with a page (or two) for each year to feature the family highlights of that year.

I am excited to work more on this album to record family memories and watch our family grow year by year. When I went home last month, I was able to bring a bunch of photos back with me and hoping there will be enough to work on several more years of pages. I now have the last five years completed ... just twenty-five more to go.

29. Buy a New Dress

I like wearing dresses, mainly to church and special events, but often find it hard to find a dress I like. This is mostly because I want a dress that is at least knee length, with a higher neckline and sleeves; which can be pretty hard to find. When I went to Utah, I looked around for dresses there as they have a good selection of modest clothing but didn't find anything that I really loved.

In late spring, I was at a mall just browsing when I went into Jacob and saw a dress that I fell in love with. I thought it was really pretty and would go well with any season. I am currently looking for a yellow cardigan to go with the dress to wear in cooler weather.

Jacob can be pricey but if you wait for sales you can usually get a good deal. Although, I find that for me it can sometimes be a gamble as it seems my size sells out quickly. It worked out well for me this time when I went back a few weeks later and bought the dress. I wore it for a photo shoot with an aspiring photographer who is starting up her own business. It was a fun photo shoot that also included a friend of mine who is a model; she helped us with posing and looking good in front of the camera. I haven’t gotten those photos yet but when I do I will update this post with a photo. 

28. Get Published

As evident (I hope) by my blogs, I enjoy writing. In High School I wrote for our school paper as well as a regional student paper and I loved seeing my articles get published. I decided to set a goal of getting an article published this year but because I waited too long  to start working on this goal I ended up just writing an article for my community newsletter, “The Riverdalian”. I wasn't sure if it would be chosen for publication but I got an email yesterday letting me know that my article will be in the September issue. Whew, that was close.

The article I wrote also includes another side project I had been working on this past year where I took a picture of the same spot of the river that runs through my community on or close to the first day of each season. It is pretty neat to see the changes as we turn from season to season and to find beauty in each season. Once published, you will be able to find it here:  http://www.riverdalians.net/league.php At the side bar you will find links to issues of the Riverdalian, it will be the 2013-09 issue.

My backup plan was going to be having a picture of me with two of nieces published in Utah’s home-schooling Newsletter. My sister submitted it for their section of what some of the children did during Spring Break. Here is a snapshot of the section we are featured in:   

27. Organize a Service Project

When I came across the Billion Graves website I thought it would be a cool project to do for this goal I had. What is “Billion Graves”? Basically there are 2 parts to it: an app and a website. The app can be download onto your smart phone or tablet and uses GPS coordinates to locate the cemetery you are at and takes photos of headstones linked to its specific GPS coordinates. The photos are then uploaded onto the website where they can be transcribed by yourself or other users.

Once the image is available to locate in the cemetery someone searching for the individual named on the Headstone can find exactly where in the cemetery that person is buried. This is awesome because I know how long it can take to find someone that you are looking for. I have spent many hours walking through cemeteries on trips to Scotland, England and Manitoba looking for my ancestors. Some we have been able to find pretty quick, some took some looking around, while others could not be found.

What makes this a great service project is that we have the opportunity to help people outside of where we live find someone they are looking for while someone else can serve us by working on the same project in a cemetery where someone we are looking for may be buried. Another awesome thing about this project is that you can link the individual to your family tree on Familysearch.

In organizing this particular project for this evening I talked with the people in my ward (church congregation) over the FHE program if this was something we could do for our Monday evening activity. For those of you who might not know what that is, in my church members are encouraged to set aside Mondays as a family night or Family Home Evening (FHE). In my ward most people are students and live away from home so we are encouraged to join together as a ward or break off into smaller groups for an evening that includes a spiritual message, activity and refreshments.

Most of the people who joined in for the Service Project

I was really happy that we got a great turnout for this activity at the Edmonton Cemetery and it seemed that everyone enjoyed their time. Although, not all of us were able to take pictures on our phones due to a weak GPS signal. Personally, mine ranged from very bad to medium which was not good enough to take a photo. In the last 5 minutes of the activity, all of a sudden I got a “good” signal and was able to get two photos. I am glad that other people had more success though. I plan to go back another time and hopefully have a stronger GPS signal.

If you are looking for a service project to do on your own or with friends or family or your church group, scouting, girl guides or other group; I would encourage you to consider helping out with this project. I think it goes beyond just taking a photo to be transcribed. It’s taking the time to individually recognize someone who has passed on and acknowledging that at one time they lived and worked in the community you live in. It is also an opportunity to clear off some dirt, grass, branches or trash that may have ended up on the headstone and cleaning up  a bit which I also saw many people do. 

26. Watch All of the Disney Princess Movies

I have watched all of these movies at least a few times before but I have never watched all 11 Disney princess movies in a one year time span until last night. I love all of the Disney Princess movies and happy-ever-after endings!

The following are currently the official Disney Princesses: Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Mulan, Tiana, Rapunzel and Merida (who officially became a Disney Princess in May of this year). Two new princesses, Anna and Elsa, are scheduled to join the line up with the release of Disney’s Frozen on November 27, 2013.

I watched all of the movies, except for Cinderella, with at least one other person which made completing this goal even more fun. Each person or group of people can be found in the picture gallery below.

I love the messages found in each of the Disney Princess movies. I love the stories of finding love and the importance of finding love, friendships and family relationships. I love the message of finding the good in people but also of being with people who are positive influences. I love the story line of good conquering evil. All of these movies encourage its viewers to follow their dreams, others also encourage us to take a step back and see what we really desire. The path we should take may actually be different than the one we are currently travelling on. Many of the storylines also encourage us to stand up for what we believe in. The princesses are often examples of being independent but also dependent which I think is important for people to realize. We are not meant to be alone and we are not meant to know everything or how to do everything. It is important to have others you can rely on and let others help you and serve you where needed. 

I could probably write an essay on each Disney Princess Movie and what we can learn from that movie. Next blog idea? hahaha. However, I would encourage each of you to choose one of these movies to watch and find a personal message from it. 

Watching "Snow White" with Linda, Kristine, Taylor and Barb (who took the picture)

Watching "Cinderella" while curled up in my blanket and knitting a scarf

Watching "Sleeping Beauty" with Katie and Kerry and their little niece, Emily. Emily's Mommy joined in for a bit too.  

Watching "The Little Mermaid" with Cassandra in Picture Butte

Watching "Beauty and the Beast" with Greg, Amanda, Frances, Jake and Linda. Hulda also came to watch her favourite Disney movie. 

Watching "Aladdin" with my adorable nieces: Rebekah, Sariah and Miriam who I think were just as excited about our movie snacks 

                                                       Watching "Pocahontas" with Stephanie, a descendent of Pocahontas!                            

Watching "Mulan" with my sister Mikayla while visiting my family at Christmas 

Watching "The Princess and the Frog" with Barb. The first one to be checked off! 

Watching "Tangled" with Linda and Kerrie and celebrating their birthdays which happen to be on the same day.

Watching "Brave" with Dallin, Alan and Amanda (there was someone else who didn't want to be in the picture so I don't know if I can publish his name but I will give you a clue, he kind of looks like Dallin.)